Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Chhattisgarh

This article was initially published on Ghumr.com . To read article with photographs please click on the following link
http://www.ghumr.com/chhattisgarh-bastar-sirpur/


Dakshin Kaushal – Full of Surprises - Chhattisgarh
There are many reasons for us – Indians to feel proud upon our country. Some of them are her natural beauty, her culture and heritage. Due to her varied landscapes and climatic zones variety of cultures nurtured and flourished here. All were (some are still) sustainable and designed according to the surrounding landscapes and biodiversity.  Talking about cultures and sustainable lifestyle some of our tribal friends are really doing a great job.
The State of Chhattisgarh, India is an excellent combination of tribal, rural and modern lifestyles. We (our venture OikoEssence along with our participants) have been planning to visit this state from past several years but, it kept on postponing due to several reasons. Ultimately got to visit this state in last year. It was a nature camp to Achanakmar Tiger Reserve. Since it was far a very short duration we couldn’t spend much time in exploring other destinations so there was a need to explore it little more.
I will slowly take you to the wonderful journey that I had in Chhattisgarh.
We reached Raipur station at 5pm in the evening which was supposed to reach at 4pm J (all that I can say is the reputation of Indian railways remained undisturbed). Our first stop was at Gariaband. It is at about hours’ drive from Raipur. We had dinner on the way at Aman dhaba as per the suggestion of Mr. Javed Memon – owner of The City Regency Hotel, Gariaband. He and his team were very helpful and offered us absolutely comfortable and hassle free stay at the hotel. The rooms here are clean, big and comfortable. Next day we started at around 7am. Our plan was to reach Jagdalpur via sitanadi & udanti wildlife sanctuary. This sanctuary plays a crucial role in saving Wild water buffalo (Bubalus arnee) which is listed in IUCN red data of species as an endangered. (more readings : http://www.iucnredlist.org/details/3129/0).  This species has fall prey to the habitat fragmentation and seen in few places in India and less than 4000 individuals are considered to be surviving throughout the world. Which is a real worry when it comes down to the population of an herbivore (that are supposed to present in large number in food chain). Well, we could not see the water buffalo anywhere during our ride through their forest but, we enjoyed it very much and continued our journey to the destination – Bastar. We reached here in the evening.
Bastar is a very important social , commercial and cultural place in Chhattisgarh. It is considered as an original place of Tribal culture in India. One must visit to its anthropological museum to get an idea of how rich their culture is. The way they use/used surrounding flora and fauna for food, shelter, and clothing as well as their fishing nets, agricultural equipment, kitchen utensils and musical instruments is simply amazing. Yet, not disturbing forest on large scale. Their lifestyle is so simple and so close to nature! Another important destination to visit is Kutumsar caves. These are excellent examples of stalactite, stalagmite and column formations of lime stone. Although the column formation of limestone can be seen in various places but it takes hundreds of thousand years to attend a considerable diameter. The columns of Kutumsar caves are very broad. This indicates the ancientness of this cave and forest in which it is situated. We saw a crested serpent eagle sitting leisuly on the tree branch and we spent good amount of time in photographing it. While doing that we saw a giant squirrel as well. The guides there were watching us with the curiosity as we were the only group actually looking and admiring these forest components. The guides although trained by forest department don’t come across tourists that are interested in forest. They are used to “general touristy” crowd. All the national parks and sanctuaries are less visited by the ‘wildlifers” as these are almost devoid of their favourite characters – ‘Tigers’. One has to hire an open gypsy for forest department as the road goes through Kangerghati National park. We saw few birds while going to the cave but, couldn’t spend much time in birding as the driver had to take his jeep back to the main gate to collect more visitors. On our way, he mentioned that this was under ‘naxal’ influence few years back but, now completely out of danger due lots of efforts taken by the Government. There is a waterfall nearby which is a famous tourist destination – Tirathgarh waterfall. Another famous fall is Chitrakote.
Bastar was one of 36 princely state of the state. The name Chhattisgarh itself is derived from 36 garh (kingdoms). Bastar too has an interesting origin. It is believed that when first king was planning establish his kingdom, he worshiped a goddess. The goddess was delighted by his prayers and offered him a piece of cloth which was tied at very high level from the ground. She mentioned that that entire land will be yours from where you will see this ‘Cloth’ – ‘Vastra or Bastra’. Hence name ‘Bastra’ which later became Bastar. Well, this is all what I understood from the guide who accompanied us in barsur- a heritage place which we covered while travelling to Kanker from ‘Bastar’. Basrur is located at 75kms from Jagdalpur. It is a smaal sleepy village and happened to be throwm of power during the tenure of Gangavanshi rulers in as early as 840AD. Barsur is situated on the banks of Indravati River and known as city of temples & ponds. It is believed that it had 147 temples and equal number of ponds in those glorious days. Although Barsur has lost all its glory but, still it four temples – one that has two interesting, huge Ganesh Idols carved in single stone. There are three more temples here Mama-bhanja, Chandraditya & Battisa. Both are less decorative but interesting. Battisa has thirty pillars (battis) and two shivlings inside. These two were established by two queens of King – Banasur. All these temples are from 6th century. All these temples are ruined and have simple carvings. Only Mama-bhanja temple looks complete from outside.
We left from barsur at about 6.15 and as per our knowledge our night halt at Kanker was about 3 hrs drive from here. But, the road is pretty narrow, under repairs and goes through the nice, dense forest patch in the beginning. All of this made our journey interesting, lengthy and exhaustive. We reached kanker at 12.00 in the night! But, we saw our first wild mammal –the Wild Dog followed by a wild cat in forest at beginning. Our Kanker hotel – Bafna lawns was really nice and we had a very comfortable stay. Next day we started late as our next destination - Sirpur was actually 3 hrs drive from here. Our stay was at Hieun Tsang resort – a nice place to stay.
Next day was dedicated to Safaris in Barnawapara sanctuary. This name is a combination of two villages Bar and Nawapara – two villages near sanctuary. The animals here are very shy. We saw spotted deer, Sambar deer, Gaur, Neelgai, sloth Bear,  Langurs and Macaques here along with good number of birds. We saw forest owlet for a very long time. It seemed it quite liked our presence and allowed us to take good number of photographs. Here in this forest I had my very first sighting of a Gaur calf. It was around 3-4 days old! Even the fawn of the spotted deer was the youngest of all that I had seen so far. We enjoyed this day the most as there were very less tourists here. The forests in Chhattisgarh unlike other forests of India attracts less “wildlife lovers”. So there was no one to run here there in search of tigers and desperately waiting to shoot them with the camera. So the forest is how it should be - less disturbed. That day we reached the resort late evening but with the beautiful memories of Barnawapara.
Our last day was spent in visiting heritage sites in Sirpur. Sirpur of Shripur as it was known in ancient times, is a small village on the bank of Mahanadi. It was the capital of Dakshin Kaushal under the Sarabhapuriyas and Panduvanshis. Sirur has archeological remains associated with Hindu, Baudhha and Jainism. What attracted me more was the construction of walls massive thickness with the help of bricks at time! The Laxman temple has carvings on bricks! I was amazed to the creativity shown on stone carvings at Buddha vihara. The stories from Jataka are carved here. A snake is shown entering in a hole from one side and comes from other side of the pillar. The bricks prepared in those times are still algae free whereas at certain places where modern bricks are used by the government to hold the structure properly has got algal attack. Barsur also has remains of bazzar of that time. The Mahanadi was used as trade route and lot of trade used to take place here. Now the Mahanadi flow has reduced and it has gone little away from this bazzar leaving only stories of that golden era that this place has witnessed once.
I really hope that the Land of Chhattisgarh soon gets its glory back and attract more enthusiasts that actually respect her natural beauty and rich heritage. Somewhere in my mind I feel that I will make a visit here again through my venture OikoEssence to quench my thirst of experiencing and learning more places, its culture and admire the heritage.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Brahmaputra’s Kaziranga

Sharing my article based on Kaziranga, gibbon and nameri - Assam published on ghumr.com

to read with photographs click on following link
http://www.ghumr.com/assam-brahmaputra-kaziranga/


Awesome Assam
Brahmaputra’s Kaziranga
Wildlife doesn’t necessarily be seen only in forest ecosystems. Different pants and animals are adapted to different habitat such as fresh as well as marine water, marshy lands, grasslands, alpines etc. Each habitat has its own beauty. We Indians are really very lucky to have almost all types of ecosystems in country and it is surely one of the many reasons why we should be proud of her. She has plenty of rivers - some huge some small but, they all support great number of biodiversity. Brahmaputra is one of the massive rivers that our country has.
We decided to experience this different habitat in the month of March, 2016. Although many people prefer taking a flight to Guwahati and continue from there by road but, to save cost one can take a train to Guwahati and continue the further journey by road.  We decided to take the second option. It was 58.5 hrs train journey (two nights) from Mumbai. The train passes through the varied and interesting landscapes of country. We reached third day morning to Kamakhya. Kaziranga is about 210kms away from this station. One of the three and half ‘shaktipithas’ (places of Goddess Shakti) - The Kamakhya temple is on the way to Kairanga.
We reached Kaziranga in the afternoon. Our hotel was near central gate of the national park. There are five zones of the park. We booked our stay near central gate and did five safaris from 3 gates – the central, eastern and western. We had one elephant ride, three jeep rides and one boat ride in the national park.
Kaziranga is located near Karbi Anlong Mountains/hills and also listed in UNESCO’s World Heritage Sites. It won’t be totally wrong if one says that Kaziranga has got its landscape from the river Brahmaputra. It holds ecosystems such as grasslands, forests, lakes etc. The area gets its fertile soil from this river. There is a particular species of grass called as Elephant grass grows here and it is a favourite food of one of majestic animals – the Greater One Horned Rhinoceros. Elephants, Swamp deers and hog deers are some of the few commonly seen animals here. Earlier, India was home to all the three species of Asian Rhinoceros – Javan, Sumatran and Greater one horned. Now only one species is surviving here that too comes under ‘endangered’ category of ‘IUCN’s Red Data List’. Rhinoceros are majestic creatures. When I first saw them I just kept on looking and forgot that I was carrying a camera. But, I was satisfied as I could admire the animal very well. Its skin folds across its flanks and tubercles give it look of armour-plated body. The horn that they have is actually a thick hair. It grows throughout the life and can be regrown if broken. It is considered to have medicinal properties. That is a reason why they are poached and it is a reason behind them getting endangered. As a habit they follow regular paths and defecated as the same place creating piles of dung. This makes it easy for poachers to find out their location and hunt them down. We also saw a mother and baby (one month old) while we were having an elephant ride. The baby gave us demonstration of how perfectly his mother was teaching him to grow. One of the safari elephant went too close to mom-kid pair. Immediately the kid took an attacking position, warned the elephant to keep the distance and managed to shoo him away.
Elephant sighting was another remarkable moment. When we first saw, it was only one male elephant with tusks and it looked disturbed. We thought it might be because of us and we kept a very safe distance from him. But, we were wrong as immediately we saw a group of another four elephants that were trying to shoo him away from them. That group had two females, one immature female and one Makhna (male with no tusks). We still kept a safe distance as none of them looked in good mood. We observed them nicely for about 5-10 minutes. If you are wondering how come earlier we missed the group of four elephants? Then the answer is the grass here grows really tall. Elephants can easily get hidden in this grass. Only tops can be seen.
If you have plenty of time in hand then a visit to Hoollongapar Gibbon Sanctuary or Hoolock Gibbon Wildlife Sanctuary – an area created conserve the only Ape species found in India the Hoolok Gibbon. The very distinct difference between other primates and apes is the lack of tail in apes. Apes can walk on the hind limbs for a considerable distance. It takes 3 hrs to reach there from Kaziranga. It has dominance of Hollong trees (Dipterocarpus macrocarpus) hence the name Hollongapar. Hoolock Gibbons got theier name from regular calls they make that sound like ‘Hoos’.  If you here their ‘hoo’s ‘ then you will remember it for ever. The protected area of the sanctuary is currently surrounded with tea plantations but it was once the patch of huge forest that continued till Nagaland. So, one can imagine the kind and intensity of the pressure on the forest and the life within it. We got to see many primates as well like – stumped tailed macaques, northern pig tailed macaques, eastern Assamese macaques, rhesus macaques and capped langurs. We saw one family and one more adult pair. The males have black fir whereas females are brown. The white eyebrows of males are very distinct. Observing hoolocks is a great experience. They hold and hang to a smallest twig with such an ease as we walk in gardens. This place is also good sight to good number butterflies that one can find in North-East part of India. The Variety of arboreal ferns such as bird nest fern is remarkable too. We were supposed to stay here for 2 hrs. However we spent about 5 hrs in roaming here and observing the diversity. It is advisable to keep the entire day free for this sanctuary. After this we returned to Kaziranga in the evening.
One should not miss the chance to experience the vastness of River Brahmaputra. She appeared almost like a sea to me. There is also a chance of freshwater dolphin sighting. Apart from these the water birds like herons, egrets, adjutant storks, openbill storks are seen in plenty. We also saw Great Hornbill. It nests there. We had initially planned for only three rides but after looking at this place decided to have two more jeep rides and we are really glad that we did it.
We visited orchid gardens before we left for Nameri. Orchid garden is another nice place to visit. But please keep about 2 hrs in hand to see this place properly. Nameri is located at about 5 hrs drive from Kaziranga. Nameri is another beautiful place. It has a really good forest that holds good amount of biodiversity. People come here for observing birds and butterflies. We reached here little late and it was a cloudy day so we decided to visit the nameri village. It was worth having a stroll in the village. The houses are built in unique. There is a different kind of satisfaction and calmness I have always observed in any village that I have been. I am not saying that villagers don’t have problems but there is still one can get peace here. After enjoying evening stroll, we came back. Our stay was in tourism department approved hotels at kaziranga (namdang house) as well as here in Nameri. The food that we got at both these places was too good. 
Next day we went to Pakke tiger reserve which is in ‘Land of the rising sun’ – the state of Arunachal Pradesh. It was decided to visit here as it is very close to Assam and all other sanctuaries in Arunachal Pradesh are far away from this. So the best way to visit here is through Assam. If you are not staying overnight in Pakke then it is advisable to carry packed breakfast and leave early in the morning for Pakke. There won’t be any shop open at that time. We started at 4.30 in the morning and reached Arunachal border by 7am. After some time we had breakfast the we carried with us and had chai at local tea stall. Surprisingly here too no one was in hurry. Even women from villages were having their morning tea from the same tea stall. People are very friendly here. All of them have a sweet smile on their faces. Pakke has few villages nearby and really good and thick forest. We did birding for some time and decided to return as we had booked for river ride in Nameri. We had our lunch at a local lunch home. It was Rs. 40/- for a full-fledged thali. River ride on raft was another fun. We saw many raptors and water birds on the riverbanks. Next day early morning we left for Guwahati airport. We wanted to save on time so we opted for flight. On the way we halted to see birds at Pobitara Sanctuary. One must keep about two hours extra to enjoy birding here. We too enjoyed a lot and did some bamboo baskets shopping at the roadside shops on the way. Overall it was a memorable trip. Looking forward to make another visit to Assam as six days are not enough.

Gulf of Khambhat - Abode of birds and stones!

This article was initially ublished on Ghumr.com. To read article with photographs click on the following link
Gulf of Khambhat - Abode of birds and stones!


Agates, Blackbucks through Saras!!
It was December, 2015. We were nearing to the year end and packing our bags for a nature camp to Khambhat and Velavdar. Both the places have unique identity and both are located in Gujarat. Khambhat is known for Agates business and Velavadar has a Blackbuck National Park.
Vadodara is the nearest station for Khambhat. We reached there in the morning after having a cup of tea at the tea stall nearby station and waited for bus. Finally the bus came. Here we saw a strange thing; the last seat of the bus was removed and there was a broad bed fixed in-place of the seats. I guess at least four people could seat there and play cards or have a chit chat session. When we enquired to the driver it was said that this is a common practice and this way we can accommodate more people than regular seats. However, it was strange and not acceptable for us as we require proper seats. So, after a lot of struggle and arguments for the entire day we made the vehicle agent to change our bus and provide us the proper vehicle.
On our way to Khambhat from Vadodara station we got to see some birds like Francolins, Rose-ringed Parakeets, Egrets, Herons etc along with an Antelope – the Neelgai. This patch is very rich agriculture. One can see tobacco farms everywhere while driving on this road. Since we started from station early morning and only had a cup of tea before leaving the station, we all were eagerly looking for some food joints. The breakfast of Papdas, Gathiya and Bhajiyas is the peculiarity of this region. Every local food joints will serve you same things and it is tasty.
We reached khambhat in about 3hrs from Vadodara. It was earlier known as Cambay. This place attracts marine scientists, historians, archeologists and geology experts as well.   Khambhat receives local tourist flow but, very less tourists actually stay within Khambhat. If you are interested in architectural designs then Khambat can make you happy to certain extent. One can see a combination of Gothic and Islamic architectures in some of the old monuments and buildings of the town. Tourists come here for Agates. This city is the largest seller of agates. Scientists have ‘excavated’ remains of ancient Indian civilization deep down inside the sea in Gulf of Khambhat. This area is of historical and geographical interest. Tidal fauna (crab, molluscs etc.) here attracts the scientists. Tourists cannot go that deep to learn ancient civilization but, if you are interested in archeology then, Lothal is the must place to visit. Which is at about 2hrs dive from Khambhat.
What brought us here was tremendous variety of birds – migratory, local, water and land – all sorts of birds that one can see nearby khambhat. One can visit Dhuwaran sea/creek shore near thermal power plant.  On the banks of Mahi River. The Pariej is another place reserved for bird.  It is water logged area. There is a watch tower and observe many wetland species of birds such as painted storks, cormorants, herons, dabchicks, lapwings, stilts etc. Just about few meters ahead there is a water body where we saw lots of Dalmatian pelicans, Painted storks, Northern shovelers, Pied avocets, Brahminy ducks etc.
Next day was for Lothal. We have been looking pictures of this ancient Indus Valley Civilisation (Harappan civilization) site in our school textbooks. It was time to actually see them on the site. Our guide Mrs. Swati Pancholi explained us details of each and every thing present in the museum as well as on the site. Lothal in local language means ‘City of Dead’. However, when we learnt about the those people and their lifestyle, the architecture, the trade sense and perfect use of natural resources available , I thought that they still live in time with their tremendous knowledge and we – the modern people have a dead mind. It will take a really lot of time for us to actually understand their intelligence.
Since this drive too has lots of birding opportunities as there are wetland/ponds made by Mahi River. Normal drive takes 3hrs but, people with birding in mind, we decided to start early-a little before sunrise. The road was a treat to eyes. Openbill storks, Pelicans, Paited storks, woolynacked storks, shovellers and many more water birds made our morning a really memorable one. The sighting of Saras cranes in the fields was something amaizing. These huge birds have specific diets and they pair for lifetime. Due to construction on agricultural lands, wetlands there is a question mark on their survival. On our way back from lothal we saw a family of Saras crane – two immatures guarded by their parents with adult male walking in front and adult female behind.
We headed for velavadar next day. On the way decided to visit the largest protected area for birds- The Nal Sarovar bird sanctuary. There was a huge crowd and we were part of it. Forest guides and boats (private boats but government approved) are available here to take you inside and give information. One irritating and absolute unscientific thing we saw there was – ‘feeding birds’. There were venders selling ‘Gathiyas’-a local snack and it is not for your consumptions. Tourists offer them to birds and lots of Gulls get attracted towards the boats. We off-course didn’t buy any such stuff and informed the guide about how bad this habit is to the birds. Sometimes I feel that a day should come when these birds feed us with their food – raw dead lizards, insects, fishes etc. The correct way to conserve them is to protect their habitat instead of giving them wrong as well as readymade food.
After finishing our Nal-safari we continued our journey to the Blackbuck National Park’ in Velavadar. Blackbuks are antelopes. Male is dark black fir and female has brown fir. This place is also a largest roosting site for Harriers. Even foxes and jackals can be seen here. We were lucky to see them. There created another question in mind about the survival of these ones as well. There were property boards displayed near-by the sanctuary. Blackbucks require an open grasslands to survive and the area allotted for their protection is just about 38.08sq kms!! There was no doubt that we had lot of sightings in this regions of birds of prey-Shikra, falcons, harriers, eagles, mammals –blackbucks, Neelgais, Foxes, Wolfs, Wild boars etc. but, it is necessary to control the rapid urbanization that this place is going to face in near future. Unfortunately, wastelands and grasslands are treated as wastelands and are given to builders but these habitats are crucial for the survival of such open land flora and fauna and ultimately for our survival too.
Bhavnagar is the nearest station to the Velavadar so we headed towards it to catch our train. The drive goes through amaizing landscape. The sea is about 30kms away and on every full moon day and No moon day the high tide reaches till here and leaves wonderful landscape and biodiversity. We visited Bhavnagar palace. It came as a nice surprise that there are paintings of birds put-up on walls of this palace. O the trip that started with birds ended with birds too. And we were really happy.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Kab badhega India?



Majority of companies, corporate are going paperless. Govt. bodies are not lagging behind either. Our railways (long distance) are requesting people to go for e-ticketing and using a soft copy of tickets instead of hard one. Even MSRTC is heading towards the same direction. I booked the ticket online to visit one of project sites. Before entering in bus I asked the official sitting in front of 'Inquiry' counter about my bus. He asked me to show the ticket. I showed him the same saved on my cellphone. He asked, "aren't you carrying any hard copy? That is convenient to check." I thought this

might be because he may not be use to using technology due to his growing age. But, I was surprised when the bus conductor said the same thing when I showed him the ticket after entering in a bus. He was younger to me. Must be used to such devices and technology. Still, the same attitude towards the new system as that was of a comparatively old man!!! Why?? Is it because of ignorance, unwillingness, lack of confidence to accept or adapt new changes??? I don't know...



But, both were educated and I am sure S.T. department must have given the training to them before launching this system. Or it wan't given at all!! (I am not a "techno-savvy" person too. But, if I was given the training then then I would certainly not hesitate to use it since if it is bringing a good change).


There is one incident I remembered... I was roaming in 'Manali' a famous hill station of India. A little girl sitting on a roadside with a weighing scale in front of her. I went to check my weight [certainly not going to disclose it here :-) ] and asked her how much it was? She answered, "You please check it for yourself." I felt that was rude, then asked her, "Why can't you tell me?" She said, "I can't read,don't know what that number is" I felt sorry. After chatting with her further, it was clear that she hasn't been to school. There was no answer to this question - Why don't you go to school? May be she is forced to work?? But child labour is an offence is India!!!


One more memory - We were on our nature camp to Gadchiroli in Maharashtra. We all were sitting on a riverbank admiring the beauty of the island in front of us. after sometime two small boys came with the boat and asked us if we want a boat ride? We certainly said no as they were too small to work. One of the participants asked them why they aren't in school that time? as it was hot a holiday or vacation time. The answer was , "No school" and they ran away. They were in school uniforms. It was clear that they didn't like going to school. Why??

Is it because it is too expensive? Is it because there is too much of pressure? Is it because teachers scold them a lot? Why? Why?

Well, I don't know exactly... as, our government id encouraging every child to go to school. It has given subsides, free education, free distribution of stationary, school bags etc. So, the basic education is certainly not expensive. As a rule here, they are promoted till 8th standard even if they are not doing well with academics. Teachers are strictly warned that they should not beat or scold or even look with anger at any child. (As a matter of fact sometimes I feel bad for teachers. As, they are given all sorts of duties apart from teaching students. They have to fulfill all such duties like census, polio awareness campaigns, etc. There is so much of pressure on them and they have to manage all that and keep control on them even if a child is not behaving right. I am against beating/scolding or any sort of actions that will/may harass the kid but at least teachers should let to concentrate on their main job i.e. teaching and nurturing the child into a good human being). Yes, there are many loopholes in the system but, once majority of students join the school it will create a pressure on government to provide basic amenities in all schools no matter how far they are.. Anyways...


There are 'N' numbers of NGOs working for education, giving them the best possible learning experience in a friendly environment. But, still we kids who don't like to go to school, don't want to learn. Of-course school is not the only place where one can learn but is certainly a place where you can get a vision to look at world, develops your thinking, opens lot many doors of opportunities in-front of you.


When i put together all these incidents (ST travel, a girl with weighing scale and boys with boat) I feel that we have so many opportunities to make better change (no matter it is a technology, basic education) but, something is stopping some of us to learn new things. What is it? I don't know. But, somewhere I feel that many of us are ignorant to towards good changes and somewhere have accepted that any change can not change the circumstances that they are currently in.

All Indians must have heard this - 'Padhega India tabhi to Badhega India' which means 'When every citizen is learned then only the country will progress'. But will that increase our will power to learn new things??

I really don't know how should I end this article, don't know if I am thinking in the right direction or even should I be thinking over it??  as thoughts are still going on in my mind and I am still searching for reasons.....